Making friends as adults is tough, but finding genuine friends is even harder. In a world full of busy schedules and shallow interactions, knowing how to spot a fake friend is essential to your happiness. You don’t want to waste time, energy, or emotional effort on someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Fortunately, there are red flags you can watch for to separate true friends from the ones who don’t deserve a place in your life.

1. They Gossip About Others—And Probably About You, Too

One of the most telltale signs of a fake friend is their constant gossiping about others. If every conversation with this person turns into them bad-mouthing someone behind their back, there’s a good chance they’re doing the same to you when you’re not around. These types of people thrive on drama and negativity, using gossip as a tool to maintain control or get attention.

Even if their comments seem subtle or masked as “concern,” it’s important to recognize that this behavior is a major red flag. Genuine friends don’t talk behind each other’s backs—they support and uplift.

On the flip side, a true friend speaks positively about others. They share uplifting news, celebrate accomplishments, and avoid tearing people down. If your friend speaks well of others, it’s a good indicator they’ll do the same for you.

2. You Always Feel Worse After Hanging Out with Them

Friendships are supposed to make you feel supported, appreciated, and happy. After spending time with a true friend, you should feel lighter, more energized, and ready to tackle life’s challenges. However, fake friends often leave you feeling the opposite—drained, insecure, or unhappy.

If you constantly feel bad about yourself after spending time with someone, that’s a big warning sign. Whether they’re subtly putting you down or dominating the conversation with their own problems, fake friends can leave you questioning your self-worth.

According to Robert Rowney, D.O., a certified psychiatrist and director of the Cleveland Clinic mood disorder unit, real friends “boost your self-esteem and help you feel better about yourself.” If your friend is doing the opposite, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.

3. They Focus on Your Flaws but Ignore Your Strengths

True friends provide constructive criticism, but they do so in a way that helps you grow. They point out areas where you can improve without making you feel bad about yourself. Fake friends, however, will only focus on your flaws. They’ll constantly criticize you without offering support or solutions, making you feel inadequate.

Rowney explains that in a genuine friendship, “they’re able to point out some of the negative things you’re doing in addition to the positive.” Fake friends, on the other hand, either stay silent when you’re making mistakes or nitpick only the bad aspects of your personality or behavior.

Remember, a real friend helps you grow by giving balanced feedback, not tearing you down to feel better about themselves.

4. They’re Never There When You Need Them, But Expect You to Always Be Available

We’ve all encountered that friend who always seems to disappear when we need them the most. They cancel plans, ignore your calls, and are nowhere to be found during your tough times. Yet, when they’re going through something, they expect you to drop everything and be at their side.

This one-sided dynamic is a hallmark of a fake friendship. A real friend is there for you in both the good times and the bad. They listen, show up when it matters, and don’t just use you for their convenience.

A true friendship involves mutual support. Genuine friends prioritize each other and make time for one another, even when it’s inconvenient. If your friend only comes around when they need something, it’s a sign they’re not in it for the right reasons.

5. They Hold Grudges and Use Your Mistakes Against You

Everyone makes mistakes. But a fake friend will never let you forget yours. They’ll hold grudges, bring up your past errors, and use them to manipulate you. This toxic behavior keeps you feeling guilty and indebted to them, even when you’ve already made amends.

A real friend, however, knows how to forgive. Once you’ve apologized and worked through a conflict, they won’t keep bringing it up. As Randy Taran, author and producer of Project Happiness, says, “Real friends understand, and because they understand, they are capable of forgiving.” They don’t hold your mistakes over your head—they move forward with you.

When a friend constantly holds grudges or tries to guilt-trip you into doing things for them, it’s time to recognize that they may not be as genuine as you thought.

Friendships should bring joy, trust, and support into your life. A fake friend, on the other hand, will leave you feeling used, insecure, and unappreciated. By learning to recognize the red flags—such as gossiping, emotional drain, constant criticism, lack of support, and holding grudges—you can protect yourself from toxic relationships and focus on building meaningful connections with people who truly care.

Remember, you deserve friends who celebrate your successes, stand by you in tough times, and uplift you in every way. Don’t settle for anything less.